Sometimes I wonder why I persist. Just cos I take what I believe God said to me seriously. Dunno how many times Kena mock Liao.
Really so what if I got it wrong? At least I learnt from mistakes and chose to obey. The result was never really the priority importance. But learning to obey was.

Dunno if they know that what they say means much to me. Every mocking statement cuts deep. Heart torn definitely.

Sometimes I just pray there was something or someone I could escape to, talk to, where there would be no emotional traumatic effects resulting.

Not that I do not want to listen to some people. Their explanations/advice seem to conflict what I sense(or think?) God is doing. Trying to deconflict all these tires me and makes it worse. Maybe its better I just shuddup.

Still thank God for all the friends who stood by me, bbm me, chose to show concern w/o judging me.

This is honestly foolish.

Why am I even doing this.

Caught in between.

Unsure what to do.

One end - I can’t deny something is happenin’.

The other end - Am I hearing right? Whatever I believed You have taught my ears to hear, has it fallen apart?

Another end - Can’t help but think some ppl think I’m just being nuts and making it up. R they laughing? R they thinking I’m an idiot?

Confusion: I try to keep my faith up there and think positive, try to pick out what God is doing and saying. Alas and I’m told not to overspiritualise. I testify of what is gg on and how things I can’t deny have changed for the better. Again. Don’t overspiritualise they say. So what do I do? Whose advice do I listen to? The tried and tested? The escapist route? The throw-everything away-bury-it-under-the-carpet-forget-it way? (And in turn conclude whatever He has been doing were all just OVERSPIRITUALISATION?)

Or do I keep on believing tt God had indeed called me to discover Him? Tt my calling is unique? Tt I am indeed am called to bring Him glory by trodding down a new path, even tho its seems to stupid?

That I know: my brain can’t seem to understand what’s gg on. I really wish I knew.

Just maybe my heavenly superman will come and set things right…

Don’t overspiritualise, Move on, why be entrapped? Really. 1) Then do explain to me why all these things have been happening. 2) You can say I may be believing/waiting for a lie, but can u really nullify whatever has been happening + all the revelations, conincidences, prophecies all linked to it.

Still, I dun think I have any better explanations for it.

Somehow or rather: My heavenly superman is watching from up above. Somehow I think everyone isn’t getting it right, including me. He will come. Revelation will flood. I will be free. And so will they all.

Bring me to heaven, that I may be a channel to bring heaven on Earth.

God be glorified.

In Hebrews, Esau was called godless for forgoing his birthright for a bowl of soup. Why? Because the foremost blessing of his birthright was God himself.

Love God today. Appreciate and treasure His presence. He is our inheritance. (Num 18:20) He never forsakes us. Likewise, never ever trade Him for anything.

Where wrong is right and right is wrong, truth summarised with the one who suffereth long.

Was reading facebook and tweets when I was just reminded of my past. Glad I’m not there anymore though. Remembered how I was often made fun of and laughed at when I was younger. It is not cool, especially if yo r the target of the cool crowd, tt u r tryna be in.
BUDDEN there was Jesus who showed up.
Nuff said. Nuff said.

Over a year ago I was asked: “Bertrand, would u choose to live an abundantly blessed life or a life lived by faith”

About a month later, I remember Ps Ming teaching on stage, and he told of a story of a man who was asked the exact same question by God.

My jaw dropped.

And so I gave God my answer. A lil hasty no doubt. Should have done by hmwk. Ha.

Prolly I should have had made a more informed choice.

So now, stop complaining and Praise God! :)

The issue was never really about the result.

The issue is my faith in what I believed He said, my confidence in how I learnt to hear His voice. My trust in His character that He would not send such miraculous coincidences to shake me and for me to place my faith on something false.

My trust that He would not abandon me and leave me in this state if He was not gg to deliver.

My trust that He would tell me if I’m getting it wrong.

My trust that what He taught me, the revelations, is Truth.

Crisis of Faith. Now I know. The difficulty was never the result„ but that your system of trust in God is shaken to the core.

Here is a journal of a journey I’m on.
I was reminded of the conflict I had mid June 2009. That led to my deliverance and eventually 2010 was the best year of my life yet. That year I felt like a collector of testimonies of being led by the Spirit, where every impression and leading was exciting to follow and watch as the results followed. Blessing flowed and how awesome it was.

2011 was different. It started peaceful. I enjoyed reading my bible and pushed myself to break barriers. Still challenges came and I psyched myself to overcome them, till the eventual breakdown in mid June. It was crazy. Crazy cos I was thrown into emotional and mental crisis. Crazy also cos there’s been an avalanche of revelations, impressions and leadings which are really amazing.

Exciting? Well. Coupled with this boy who is emotionally/mentally weary and broken, I guess tts the only thing I can hang on to now. Hanging on to it makes me look crazy.

Well did we all not learn we’d be a fool for Christ?

How things have been unfolding, its almost as if God wants me to stay within the wilderness till its time to exit. No shortcuts allowed. :S

Either its God, or Bert needs mental help. I still believe its the former.

God I know U r good and are my ever present help in my time of need.

Crisis before Promotion. God, lead me outta this crisis.